Your Highness — there aren’t enough words….

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The only thing I learned from this film is that Zooey Deschanel has larger breasts than originally thought.  Or perhaps that was just the corsett.

If you removed all the moronic, sophmoric jokes and needless profanity and made it strictly just a medieval story of knight rescuing princesses, it would still be a horrible, horrible film.
Director and Danny McBride’s buddy from Eastbound & Down, David Gordon Green seems to be capturing the same magic spark that happened with his earlier Pineapple Express but the humor becomes anachronistic and out of place.  But even if it didn’t, the humor is so base that the writing staff on America’s Funniest Home Videos groan.

Not even casting Natalie Portman can save this.  I hope she was paid a lot for this.  I mean, what better to follow up an Oscar winning performance with Darren Aronofksy than a juvenile story where she can make chastity belt jokes and be drooled at by McBride.  The same shame accusation is directed at James Franco. Who is Franco’s agent? “James. Baby. you’ve got an Oscar nom for 127 hours. Golden Globe nominations for both 127 hours and Pineapple Express.  I’ve got the perfect role.  Ambiguously gay Prince Charming character.  I’ve read it. Characters get high. Chops of a minotaur’s penis.  HIL-AR-IOUS!  Oh!  Natalie Portman has already signed on.”

Ugh.

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